Godly Conduct: Widows • 10.16.22
Nick Lees   -   October 17, 2022

Godly Conduct: Widows
1 Timothy 5:1-16

Pursuing godliness in relation to widows

  1. Determine who is truly a widow
  2. Honor widows by enrolling them to the church’s care
  3. Shepherd younger widows to please the Lord

Good morning church family! I’m thankful to be with you this morning. For those who are new, welcome! My name is Nick Lees and I have the privilege of studying God’s Word with you this morning. We’re continuing our study through 1 + 2 Timothy in our series: Blueprint for the Church.

Dismiss 4th + 5th graders

If you’ve been with us for the entirety of the series, then you know we’ve talked a lot about faithfulness in the church. Faithfulness to teaching the truth and faithfulness to living in light of the truth. This faithfulness starts in the lives of everyday men and women, boys and girls, like you and me and it is essential that it is lived out in the corporate life of the church! We are to be a people that lives out the truth! And why might that be important!?

How about because God designed the church to be the pillar and buttress of the truth?!

1 Timothy 3:14–15 (ESV)

14 I hope to come to you soon, but I am writing these things to you so that, 15 if I delay, you may know how one ought to behave in the household of God, which is the church of the living God, a pillar and buttress of the truth.

God has called US to represent HIM in this world. The only way to do that is by living in light of the TRUTH of God’s Word. We’ve heard this many times in this series – “Sound doctrine ought to/must produce sound living!”

Put another way – WHAT GOD COMMANDS, WE MUST BELIEVE AND OBEY! And this is only possible by the reality of the Gospel – that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, came down, lived a perfect life, died in our place to bear the wrath of God for our sins, and then rose again, conquering sin + death for us, giving us the hope of new life through faith in Him! Apart from Jesus’ finished work on our behalf, we would not desire to live this way, nor would we be able to live this way!

That is incredibly important to understand! I can’t bear to think that anyone would sit here week after week listening to these messages from God’s Word and not realize your need for faith in Jesus Christ to rescue and redeem you. Or to believe in Jesus Christ for that rescue and redemption but then fail to realize that you need to daily allow the truth of God’s Word to change you! Christians are to be increasingly transformed into the image of our Savior. This is spoken of clearly in Scripture:

2 Corinthians 3:18 (ESV)

18 And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

The longer you know Jesus and behold His glory, the more you ought to live and look like Jesus in your desires, words, and deeds. This is exactly what Paul has been exhorting Timothy and the Ephesians to throughout this letter. He has been calling them to godly conduct in a variety of ways. Today will be no different.

Ushers + Bibles (1 Timothy 5; page 1178)

Last week, we closed our study with the call to “exert yourself in the pursuit of godliness.” This stemmed from Paul’s 12 commands to Timothy and the Ephesians about how they ought to put significant effort into pursuing the life and faith that pleases God. Today as we pick back up in chapter 5, Paul is continuing to instruct them in the pursuit of godliness as they relate to one another. Let’s start by reading verses 1-2.

1 Timothy 5:1–2 (ESV)

5 Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, 2 older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.

Paul gives Timothy direction on how he ought to relate to every demographic in his church. As a younger man who is in leadership, he needs to conduct himself in an upright and godly manner. When younger people are dealing with those older than them, we must be wise in our approach. Rather than outright rebuke or reproving them, Paul says to encourage or exhort them. This does not mean that you would fail to point out sin, it simply means that your approach matters. Don’t handle things in a way that would make it harder to be heard or would be viewed as inappropriate. This type of counsel is applicable to all age groups. I love how Paul references the church as familial relationships. We can all understand these instructions that way. Treat each other the way you OUGHT to treat your parental figures or siblings.

These verses serve as a transition from what was discussed previously in chapter 4 to what is coming next in chapter 5. Paul is going to shift his emphasis towards how they ought to conduct themselves towards specific groups within the church. He’s giving them instructions on specific ways to pursue godliness as a community. Today we’re going to hear his counsel on how to pursue godliness in relation to widows. Let’s read the rest of our text for today.

1 Timothy 5:3–16 (ESV)

3 Honor widows who are truly widows. 4 But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God. 5 She who is truly a widow, left all alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day, 6 but she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives. 7 Command these things as well, so that they may be without reproach. 8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

9 Let a widow be enrolled if she is not less than sixty years of age, having been the wife of one husband, 10 and having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work. 11 But refuse to enroll younger widows, for when their passions draw them away from Christ, they desire to marry 12 and so incur condemnation for having abandoned their former faith. 13 Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not. 14 So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander. 15 For some have already strayed after Satan. 16 If any believing woman has relatives who are widows, let her care for them. Let the church not be burdened, so that it may care for those who are truly widows.

Church, this is for you! Paul is telling us how we ought to care for the widows in our midst. Are you going to heed his counsel? Or will you check out as you think, “This doesn’t apply to me, maybe next week will be better”? This does apply to you, if you are a Christian! God wants you to care for those who need your care. And, trust me, one day you’re going to want someone to take these commands seriously, when you’re in your time of need. So, you’d better take it seriously now, when others may need you!

This passage invites us to ponder the following:

What if you had a community that was committed to caring for you in the time/years you needed it most? What if, even if your biological family was gone, you still had a family that stuck by your side and made sure your needs were met?

This is what God has created the church to be – a family – a community who cares for one another in times of need. But he also wisely puts parameters around when and how and who we ought to care for. Let’s spend the rest of our time together discussing…

Pursuing godliness in relation to widows

How does God want us to live and practice our faith in relation to widows?

First, you must…

  1. Determine who is truly a widow

That’s how Paul starts… “Honor widows who are TRULY widows.” This distinction of “truly” is important for Paul’s argument. What does he mean by “truly” a widow?

It doesn’t simply mean a woman who has lost her husband. That’s the usual definition of a widow – a married woman whose husband has passed away. In this passage, Paul speaks of a widow as:

Widow – a woman bereaved of her husband with family to care for her

Paul isn’t denying that such a woman is a widow, rather he is making a distinction that there is a difference between such a woman who has family who can support her and a woman who has ONLY the Lord and His church to help her.

Truly a widow – has only the Lord and His church as her support system

As Paul writes to Timothy, he makes clear that if a woman has kids or grandkids still alive, then they, as her family, need to rise up and care for their widowed mom/grandma. He points that out at least three times in verse 4, 8 and 16. Let’s consider what those passages tell us.

If you have a widowed woman in your family, then Paul says it is an opportunity for you to learn to show godliness to your own household. Their widowhood is YOUR OPPORTUNITY FOR SPIRITUAL GROWTH. Is that how you’ve thought about widowed family members? Paul goes further in verse 4 by saying that the lesson is to “make some return to their parents.” This is an opportunity for you to grow in showing thankfulness for all the sacrifices your mom or grandma made in raising your family/you. He then says that living this way is pleasing in the sight of God. Which is important! Pleasing God is our aim in life! God looks at a son/daughter, a grandson/granddaughter who cares for their widowed mom/grandma and says, “Well done, good and faithful servant!”

On the flip side of that, we see in verse 8 that if someone neglects their duty to provide for their family, there are some pretty strong words about that person too. Paul says…

1 Timothy 5:8 (ESV)

8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Whoo, those are strong words! Such a person, by failing to care for their relatives, has brought disrepute onto the name of Christ. Paul says that such a person is worse than an unbeliever and I think we can understand why he would say it that way… When you consider that this person is claiming Christ but then fails to fulfill the basic obligation to provide for/care for his own family… that’s a really poor testimony for Christ. Christians believe in the inherent dignity and value of every human life because they are created in God’s image. We believe that it is important to care for and love one another, which is especially true for our biological family. To then live against these Christian commitments by leaving our widowed mothers/grandmothers out to dry and to fend for themselves is especially ungodly. It’s bad if anyone does it, but it’s especially bad if a Christian does it! They are living contrary to the faith and bringing shame on the name of Christ.

These passages really made me stop and think this week. Do I live and think this way? Am I ready to provide this level of care and commitment to my grandmas/mom? God forbid I preach this on a Sunday and then walk away disobeying it myself! And what about you? Do you live and think this way? Are you ready to provide this level of care and commitment to your grandmas/mother?

What I find fascinating is that verse 16 challenges us even further…

1 Timothy 5:16 (ESV)

16 If any believing woman has relatives who are widows, let her care for them. Let the church not be burdened, so that it may care for those who are truly widows.

Paul widens the scope beyond caring for widowed mothers/grandmothers to ANY relatives who are widows! And, fascinatingly, he speaks this command to Christian women. It is believed this was because she would likely be making the arrangements for this extended care of the widowed relative. It does not mean the husband or other family members are ‘off the hook’. V8 had just used masculine pronouns for provision for family/widows. We’re all expected to help our widows.

I don’t know about you, but this is some challenging teaching! And, ironically, this is not even the primary focus of Paul’s teaching. This is simply a by-product of his instructions to the church for how to care for those who are truly widows! It was the EXPECTATION that Christians would care for their relatives who were in need, specifically widowed females, as many of them would have been without a means of providing food/lodging for themselves.

All this to say – Are we taking seriously the call to provide for and protect our widowed relatives? This is the responsibility of family. It frees the church up to focus on those who are truly widows.

Two other observations must be made about those who are not “truly” widows as we determine who really is “truly a widow” 1) those who were young widows still in the stage of life where they could remarry and 2) those who were living in a selfish, sinful manner. There was apparently a real problem in Ephesus of younger widows turning from their faith in Christ to pursue their own desires. It may be that they were marrying unbelieving men in their desire for a relationship. It is clearly stated that many of them were using their time for ungodly behaviors – gossiping, being idlers, and, likely, spreading the false teachings of the false teachers. Such women were not to be viewed as “truly” widows. We’ll come back to why that matters in a bit. Let’s move to the qualifications of those who are “truly” widows.

Throughout these verses we saw a number of qualifications about a woman who is “truly a widow”. Let’s do a quick recap:

  • She has no one but the Lord and His church
  • She has her hope set on God and seeks him in prayer constantly
  • She is at least 60 years old
  • She is a “one man woman”
  • She has a reputation for good works
    • Brought up kids
    • Shown hospitality
    • Washed the feet of the saints
    • Cared for the afflicted
  • She has devoted herself to every good work (summary of the above)

The picture being painted by Paul is of a godly older woman who has given her life in service to the Lord and others. Such a woman is truly a widow. She is not living selfishly, either then or now. She has sought to pour her life out as a living sacrifice for the good of others and glory of God. What a woman! A godly woman by all stretch of the imagination! Perhaps you know such a woman, if so, praise God for her! Paul is very concerned that such women be cared for by the church. It is the responsibility of God’s people to care for these sacrificial, servant-hearted women who have no family to care for them.

How do we do that? I’m glad you asked! Paul tells us in verse 9.

  1. Honor widows by enrolling them to the church’s care

Paul is speaking of a formal commitment from the church to care for these godly widows. Look again at the second half of verse 16.

1 Timothy 5:16b (ESV)

Let the church not be burdened, so that it may care for those who are truly widows.

There was a clear expectation that the church would provide care. However, they were to be discerning in who received this care, that it would be prioritized for those who were truly widows. What might that look like? Well, we get at least some idea from Acts 6. We looked at this passage previously in reference to the office of deacon, but let’s remember the problem that precipitated calling these men as deacons.

Acts 6:1 (ESV)

6 Now in these days when the disciples were increasing in number, a complaint by the Hellenists arose against the Hebrews because their widows were being neglected in the daily distribution.

It was because the widows were not getting their daily bread – from where? From the church! The church was actively caring for the needs of the widows in Jerusalem. James, the brother of Jesus and leader of the church in Jerusalem would later write:

James 1:27 (ESV)

27 Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

Visit widows in their affliction. Meaning be with them. Help them in time of need. Don’t let them suffer alone. He doesn’t give specifics of what this looks like, so it was likely quite broad, based on the need. In fact, just a few verses later, he says:

James 2:15–16 (ESV)

15 If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, 16 and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?

The expectation is that we would help them in their time of need. This is the kind of practice of faith that pleases God.

God clearly values caring for those in distress and need, especially the widows. This ultimately stems from His very character! He is a God who cares for the widow!

Deuteronomy 10:17–18 (ESV)

17 For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great, the mighty, and the awesome God, who is not partial and takes no bribe. 18 He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing.

Psalm 68:4–5 (ESV)

  4     Sing to God, sing praises to his name;

lift up a song to him who rides through the deserts;

        his name is the Lord;

exult before him!

  5     Father of the fatherless and protector of widows

is God in his holy habitation.

Psalm 146:9 (ESV)

  9     The Lord watches over the sojourners;

he upholds the widow and the fatherless,

but the way of the wicked he brings to ruin.

Our God is a protector of widows who upholds them and executes justice for them. How incredible is that!? The Creator of all things is not far off and distant. He knows exactly what you are going through. He takes notice of those who are most likely to be in distress and makes sure they are cared for. Part of the way he does this is through His people, the church!

That means you and me, in case you weren’t connecting the dots. It’s our responsibility to care for the true widows in our church family. Those women who poured out their lives in service to God and others must not be ignored in their time of need. The body of Christ must rise up to care for them. They have no other family members to do so, and God has called us to take ownership for their wellbeing.

I hope that much is clear so far. Pursuing godliness as a church means caring for the true widows. But how? That’s the million $ question, isn’t it? What does this look like? Are there boundaries? How do you not get taken advantage of?

Ironically, Paul does not address any of these questions in detail, other than to give the criterion for who qualifies for the church’s care and who does not. The church, having limited resources, will need to be discerning to give its primary care and attention to those who are godly widows with the greatest need. Given that the early church called 7 deacons to solve the problem of getting bread to the widows in their day and age, it appears devoting substantial resources to the care of widows is appropriate. Which is why it is necessary for the body to be generous and share out of their abundance with one another. There will inevitably be some in the body with greater financial resources to help meet needs. Others will have more availability in their schedule and can give of their time. Still others might have specific talents that would lend towards meeting the needs – perhaps the ability to fix up a home or a car, or to help create and manage a budget, or to plan and prepare meals, or clean, or simply a good listening ear. All parts of the body can be marshaled to care for this other part of the body in time of need.

There are all kinds of ways and gifts and abilities that might come to bear on caring for a widow. That’s the beauty of the church being a body or a family. We are all needed, and we all bring valuable contributions to the table in pursuing godliness in our care of widows.

So where do you fit in? Are you financially stable and able to give to help a widow pay a bill or put food on the table? Are you mechanically inclined and able to fix her car/mower? Are you a good chef who can help her plan meals and help her prep them? Are you a good homemaker who can help her make a cozy space that is manageable?

There are so many ways you can be a blessing! *Pause*

Now, our church demographics currently do not present many opportunities to practice this care of widows. There are some, but not many. However, I hope we would be prepared for the days when needs do arise! We want to be a church that is obedient to the commands of Christ and His Word. How beautiful to have a body that cares for true widows when they are unable to do so for themselves. It is important for us to be in relationship with our widows, so we know when/how they need help. *Pause*

Now, please realize that this does not mean that you should not care for or help out those who are outside of the category of true widows. This isn’t teaching some sort of exclusivity in your care. It’s simply saying that the church has an OBLIGATION to those who are truly widows, so we must prioritize our care for them. Yes, it is well and good to help others, but not to the neglect of our commitment to true widows. So be discerning in how you spend your time and resources. Be generous! But be careful to not enable people to live selfish, ungodly lives. That was a real problem in Ephesus. Apparently younger widows had been enrolled into the care of the church and now they are living selfish, ungodly lifestyles.

Paul gave very specific descriptions of younger widows whose passions (desire for marriage) had drawn them away from Christ. Likely because they were willing to marry unbelieving men. Still others were enjoying the provisions from the church, but using their days to be idle and gossips, saying inappropriate things. Paul exhorts the church to REFUSE to enroll such women onto the list of widows who are cared for by the church. To do so actually sets them up for failure. Rather the church must pursue godliness as they…

  1. Shepherd younger widows to please the Lord

Those who are younger must pursue the type of lifestyle that leads them to be the godly women of future years. That’s exactly what Paul is encouraging the younger widows to here. And before we look in more detail at how to counsel such younger widows, I just want to point out that these commands are relevant to us all. Don’t listen to these on behalf of widows, listen to them for your own sake! Make these personal to you. With that being said… we must shepherd them to please the Lord by…

  • Avoid idleness

The term for idlers here means unemployed, idle, lazy, useless, unproductive. That’s quite the loaded definition. How dare these women take advantage of the generosity of God’s church to live selfishly and sinfully! God designed us to be productive members of society. We are made to work; we are called to seek to do good to others by serving them and the Lord. To take advantage of others who are working so that you can avoid work and do whatever is right in your own eyes is the epitome of selfishness. Avoid idleness… and also…

  • Avoid gossiping

Bearing bad news behind someone’s back out of a bad heart (Pastor Matt Mitchell’s definition from Resisting Gossip)

Being involved in a conversation about someone behind their back in a malicious or hurtful way (Nick’s definition)

Speaking to someone about an issue in which they are neither part of the problem nor part of the solution; saying things behind someone’s back that you wouldn’t say to their face; and discussing details about a problem w/o first going to the person with whom you had the problem (Pastor Viars’ definition)

  • Avoid being a busybody

Someone who is always in others’ business. Needs to know what is going on. A meddler. Don’t be that person. Rather than helping solve problems, you’re either creating or complicating them. Such a person is not pleasing Christ. Rather…

  • Pursue marriage
  • Bear children
  • Manage your households
  • Live in a godly way that is above reproach

These activities are direct contradictions to the false teachers in Ephesus who were devaluing marriage and encouraging all kinds of deviancies. Paul is saying it is a good thing to pursue remarriage and to have a family and to care for your household. These are godly things to value as a younger woman and living this way protects you from temptation and sin. You will fill your years with godly pursuits and, ideally, leave a legacy of faithfulness for Christ.

Ultimately, Paul is calling Christians to a different way of life. Specifically, widowed women, their families, and the church who cares for true widows. Young widows must avoid selfishly taking advantage of the church. They must not be ruled by their passions and remarry unbelievers who lead them away from Christ. Christian families need to care for their own widows so that the church can focus on those who have no family left. And the church must value and care for true widows.

In all of this, God will be glorified, and the gospel will advance! *Pause*

Aren’t you thankful that God thought to address details such as these? He is a God who cares about the details. I love how the Scriptures not only reveal the grand plan of redemption, but also specifics along the way. God has intentionally created a community of His image-bearers who are meant to walk through life together, caring for one another, loving one another sacrificially, and bearing witness to the watching world of the steadfast love and faithfulness of God to His people.

What a privilege to be a part of the church. God’s people. Christ’s bride. I hope a study like this continues to drive home the importance of being a committed member of the church. Every Christian is called to a high commitment to Christ’s bride. Please take that calling seriously. Commit to the church. Don’t float in and out each week tasting some of the benefits of the community God is building here without being a committed member of that community. If you’d like to discuss that further, I’d love to do so after the service.

Let’s pray and ask God to help us carry out His plan.